Life is too short to not have fun. And while the job of Security is a serious one, you are in big trouble if you take yourself too seriously. A sense of humor is key.
So this week, a little bit of fun…
MOST RIDICULOUS THINGS SAID TO BOUNCERS
(and what should have been the Bouncer’s response):
- “Don’t mess with me bro, I do stand-up fighting.” – So, is that like comedy with in a boxing ring?
- “I train martial arts, so I think I’d be a good bouncer.” – Until you got knocked out by a good fighter.
- “That’s my ID, I swear. I just grew last year.” – Uhm, like 4 inches?
- “Is this the line?” – No, these people just like standing out here and talking to each other.
- “I’m a high roller, you have to let me in tonight!” – You do realize it’s $3 college beer night, right?
- “Let me and my friends in, we’re hot.” – Not hot enough for this bar.
- “You wouldn’t be so tough without your security shirt” – Very true. I’d also be a lot colder and way more pissed off than I am now.
- “How much do you bench press/lift” – Whatever it takes to get it you out the door.
- “What would you do if I took a swing at you?” – Duck.
- “Do you think you can kick my ass!?” – No. But there are 10 other guys working who think they can.
- “This bar sucks. I’m never coming back.” – See you in 15 minutes.
- “Are all bouncers as rude as you are?” – Only to people as rude as you.
- “Did you go to bouncer training school?” – Yes. It’s right next to genius school…which you obviously attended.
- “I know the manager!” – So do I. He’s the one that told me to kick you out.
- “Don’t you know who I am?” – Brad with the fake Nevada ID?
- “Can I get in dressed like this?” – Only on Pink Tank Top Tuesdays.
- “I’ll be waiting for you out here when the bar closes.” – Good to know. I’ll use the back door when I leave.
- “We just got to town. Do you know where we can score some drugs?” – Rite Aid?
- “That cocktail waitress/bartender is a real bitch.” – Let me get her boyfriend, the Head of Security. You can complain to him.
- “Your dress code is too harsh.” – The 7-11 down the block will be happy to let you in.
To finish off this post, here is quite possibly one of the most amazing examples of a “tough guy” customer being not only calmed down, but completely humbled.
I’m still shocked after all these years, at how many people are “friends of the owner”. All of whom, ironically don’t have his phone number.