Life is too short to not have fun. And while the job of Security is a serious one, you are in big trouble if you take yourself too seriously. A sense of humor is key.

So this week, a little bit of fun…


(and what should have been the Bouncer’s response):

  1. “Don’t mess with me bro, I do stand-up fighting.” – So, is that like comedy with in a boxing ring?
  2. “I train martial arts, so I think I’d be a good bouncer.” – Until you got knocked out by a good fighter.
  3. “That’s my ID, I swear. I just grew last year.” – Uhm, like 4 inches?
  4. “Is this the line?” – No, these people just like standing out here and talking to each other.
  5. “I’m a high roller, you have to let me in tonight!” – You do realize it’s $3 college beer night, right?
  6. “Let me and my friends in, we’re hot.” – Not hot enough for this bar.
  7. “You wouldn’t be so tough without your security shirt” – Very true. I’d also be a lot colder and way more pissed off than I am now.
  8. “How much do you bench press/lift” – Whatever it takes to get it you out the door.
  9. “What would you do if I took a swing at you?” – Duck.
  10. “Do you think you can kick my ass!?” – No. But there are 10 other guys working who think they can.
  11. “This bar sucks. I’m never coming back.” – See you in 15 minutes.
  12. “Are all bouncers as rude as you are?” – Only to people as rude as you.
  13. “Did you go to bouncer training school?” – Yes. It’s right next to genius school…which you obviously attended.
  14. “I know the manager!” – So do I. He’s the one that told me to kick you out.
  15. “Don’t you know who I am?” – Brad with the fake Nevada ID?
  16. “Can I get in dressed like this?” – Only on Pink Tank Top Tuesdays.
  17. “I’ll be waiting for you out here when the bar closes.” – Good to know. I’ll use the back door when I leave.
  18. “We just got to town. Do you know where we can score some drugs?” – Rite Aid?
  19. “That cocktail waitress/bartender is a real bitch.” – Let me get her boyfriend, the Head of Security. You can complain to him.
  20. “Your dress code is too harsh.” – The 7-11 down the block will be happy to let you in.

To finish off this post, here is quite possibly one of the most amazing examples of a “tough guy” customer being not only calmed down, but completely humbled.

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